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Subscribe to new topics If you are going to write a romantic novel:

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If you are going to write a romantic novel for the first time, you really should:
  • attach handkerchiefs to finished novel   
  • make sure you don't write about a boy who meets girl and dies in the end   
  • use the word "passion" on every page   
  • find out who jane austen is   
  • try to write paranormal romance   
  • be idealistic   
  • start with reading some other novels   
  • be prepared for personal attacks   
  • have a plot twist   
  • call something or someone "wild rose"   
  • include as much pillow talk as you can fit per page   
  • follow the formula   
If you are going to write a romantic novel you should always:
  • bribe a few dozen literary critics   
  • have some kind of tragic love story with a happy ending   
  • be prepared to do some field work   
  • start in victorial england   
  • have someone give a mystery gift to someone somewhere in the middle   
  • make sure romance is happening to a married women   
  • hide the true identity of real killer until the end... oh, wait, romantic novel..   
  • hide the true identity of the real killer until the end, just make sure he's handsome   
If you are going to write a romantic novel you should never:
  • use words "shiny armor", seriously   
  • be afraid to use the words like "burlap" and "satin"   
  • brag that you wrote it in your underpants   
  • start with romance in high society   
  • be afraid of feminist movement   
  • question moral values   
  • end with a boom   
  • read sigmund freud   
  • listen to critics   
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If you are going to write a romantic novel you might like this about it:
  • things will work out by the end   
  • no matter how trashy your final book is - someone still is going to buy it   
  • working from home, in your underpants   
If you are going to write a romantic novel you won't be happy to know that:
  • sometimes main character dies   
  • it's still going to be about money   
  • even if you make it into nytimes bestsellers list, it doesn't mean you wrote something good   
  • "ivanhoe" is not what you think it is, stop smirking   
  • the femme fatale is still going to appear in your novel, whether you want it or not   
  • your editor will butcher anything you come up with, especially anything particularly clever   
If you are going to write a romantic novel then you could enjoy similar things/activities:
  • buying romantic gifts   
  • hoping for a better future   
  • celebrating st.valentine's   
  • disney movies   
  • reading romantic novels   
If you want to really are going to write a romantic novel you should have those things:
  • schmoltzy ending   
  • love story   
  • knowledge of history if you're going to write historical romance   
  • a sense of romance   
  • chick flicks   
  • sensuality   
  • unforgettable characters   
  • pirate/viking/vampire   
If you are going to write a romantic novel and you want to push the limits, try to:
  • start with mooses having a breakfast   
  • write about a white whale, which somehow saves us all   
  • not use the word "love"   
  • make an ending that makes sense   
  • work pro bono   
  • reveal main character of the romance as a loving caring and warm superdigimon megatron   
  • include a racy girl, drugs and mafia into story   
  • include gypsies   
  • have a book that doesn't have a love triangle   
  • write a romantic novel about a writer who's writing a romantic novel about a writer writing a passionate romantic novel   
  • write the saddest happy ending ever   
  • end with no hope   
When you are going to write a romantic novel it is not the same as ... because ...:
  • getting married, because your book can actually have a happy ending   
  • cinderella story, because somebody already wrote that   
When you are going to write a romantic novel it is essentially the same as ... because ...:
  • every other romantic novel in last 2000 years, because there's no inventions in field of love   
  • every other romantic novel, because variations on a theme make people nervous   
When you are going to write a romantic novel your "mortal enemies" are:
  • real-life examples   
  • vampyres, undead and flesh-eating zombies   
  • writer's block   
These sites will help you when you are going to write a romantic novel:
You know it's the last time you are going to write a romantic novel when:
  • your wife leaves you and gets 90% of your money   
  • you find out that your story becomes real and regret writing in that bazooka-loving serial killer   
  • your mystery series takes off   
When you are going to write a romantic novel and fail it's probably because:
  • you drawn a nasty comic   
  • you didn't have the word "passion" on every page   
  • you forgot what you were writing about   
  • you wrote your book in one of dead languages   
  • your wife fills in divorce and leaves, then your lawyer tells you that he's leaving with your wife   
  • you didn't finish the story   
What would be different in the idea (you are going to write a romantic novel) if you had a million dollars:
  • you can finally set up an experiment with million monkeys on a million typewriters   
  • you wouldn't have to - you'd already have too many chicks   
  • you could buy out all your edition   
If you are going to write a romantic novel it's probably because:
  • you're missing romance in your life   
  • you haven't written a new novel for 3 months now   




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